I should be doing laundry but I'm not. I should be off to bed soon but my nights just get later and later. I should have written a Losapio paper. I should have cleaned the house after school. I should stop buying gasoline. I haven't done/am not going to do any of these things because I don't feel like doing much of anything constructive anymore!
Everyone knows what this is so I won't even bother to mention it by name. But I will mention that: I have three or four or five articles due for the last issue of the paper, I have Probability notes left un-taken, enormous stretches of Spunk and Bite left unread, Government tests to be made up, books to be bought for the Novel [but come to think of it, I haven't bought a book for that class since Slaughterhouse-Five. Now that we're on the subject, this is what we've read since: Perks of Being a Wallflower, On a Pale Horse (the man who murdered death!!!), Marine Sniper (no need explain), Third and Indiana (incredibly plain. Might be an attempt to illustrate a point about life in Northeast Philadelphia, but still: Mr. L knows nothing about the greatest city in the union and it sucks to hear him try to talk about it), The Alchemist (absolutely elementary. "Find your destiny!")], a website to design, another website to design (outside of school)... with eight days of school left, on top of a job that I hate more each day, a social life that remains miraculously consistent and a band that I love to rehearse with.
I'm busy doing nothing. This summer is polar: work (a lot. Maybe even another job, to occupy me in the mornings between 8 and 1 or 9 and 1, employer's preference. Options: gluten-free bakery, township building... cutting lawns? Should I put myself out there and cut lawns? I wish I could babysit... Girls are lucky.), graduation (6/6), grad party (6/14), North Carolina (6/16/-23), Chicago/Pitchfork Fest (7/17-21), orientation (7/24-25), North Carolina Mk. II (7/26-8/8)... And all the money I've saved up since the two break ups (with a girl and a debit card) probably will not last into the fall... "Do we only need to keep working because it pays rent?"
I loveMTV's the Paper. Like Current TV, I find that this show glues me to my chair and even during commercial breaks, I don't get up to instant message, grab ice cream or water, adjust, grab a blanket, do laundry... I just sit. Never do I want to miss one second of Amanda Lorber's sincere power grabbing and the truly infuriating, base, vexatious and wholly awful people that stand in her way. Mrs. Weiss elected Amanda -in-chief! Like, what are you going to do? Trevor, your immature pouting about what a bitch/idiot you think Amanda is for speaking eloquently doesn't make your snooty girlfriend Gianna any prettier. Gianna, what purpose do you serve, exactly?
I'm actually online reading the Circuit instead of watching what unfolds before it's sent to print. It's kind of surreal. I'm reading this column Lorber wrote about going to college undeclared. It's hard to believe it actually exists. It does, here: http://www.cypressbaycircuit.com/. Granted, I'm only into two minutes of reading it but it's pretty solid. Though, its 39 pages, while totally impressive, seem to be loaded with a lot of the second-hand news crap we try to keep out of our paper.
Let's face it: Alex Angert is a really ugly kid and an unintentionally gaudy dresser. But, he reps Philadelphia. But, what the fuck is the deal with that? What is this kid's background? Does he want to go to PSU? Are his parents alum? Is he from the area (Phillies and Fliers caps)?
Message to human race: PLEASE, STOP TANNING. Instead, do something useful with your time and/or money like donating to the Valentino Achak Deng Foundation.
Now, I find it hard to stop listening to the Rolling Stones. If you need a good place to start, please check out Beggars Banquet. For some reason, I think the Stones stir bad feelings and hesitation, but really I felt the same way and they don't bite. But steer clear of anything after Exile on Main Street and I would never go see them live today. I'll wait for a time machine, thx.
"I'm going to take off work and just study, like do a practice test, brush up, repeat. I'll probably take a break from like 8-10 to watch 30 Rock and the Office re-runs then the new episodes. After that I'm gonna study more, til like one a.m. probably just because we don't have to be there until noon and I can sleep in." -Me, laying out my cram-plan for tomorrow's A.P. Modern European History Exam to different classmates.
Matt didn't want me to take off work because he's a bitch. Not really, but we call each other that. I was really sleepy when I got home so I just watched CNN with my mom until she got swept away to St. Bartholomew's. Then, I watched my Office re-runs on NBC.com (actually pretty cool!). I studied from 8:35 to 9 listening to the Talking Heads (it was hard to concentrate.) Watched the Office and 30 Rock, both really satisfying. The Office has been going nuts with the "let's make the viewer feel very, very awkward" thing but it adds a phyisical aspect to my normally passive television watching (that is, near-constant cringing and wringing of arms). Back in my room, I picked up my yearbook and read through almost all of my classmates' activities. Why? I don't fucking know.
Everyone went to bed and I moved back downstairs. I've been watching Green Day videos and reading about my once-beloved, obscure emo/screamo bands (the ones pre-negative connotation 0f emo). What I really will do, though, in a few minutes is take the cram packet up to my room and after straightening it up a little, lay down and read up on British financial policies (Disraeli, Gladstone... who was the liberal? Dizzy, I think...). I would write about my spring playlist(s) but, I have to go do that.
After a four day respite, I had forgotten how to be a student. I carried the same books around all day (AP Euro study guide, the Believer, small commonplace book, green folder) and things just seemed especially awful. I declared JF an actual douchebag at the end of the day, a description that really doesn't fit him but seemed appropriate as he moved his things from his mother's car into his ugly, obnoxious copycat convertible. Mrs. M was especially threatening with my long overdue library fine. "J.U.G. if it's not in by sixth period." Walking out of school, shortly after seeing JF actually, I realized I hadn't yet paid it. I hope I don't now have a demerit. In American Government, Mr. S wasn't here, giving the incorrigibly bothersome populous free reign. There are several kids whose names I do not even know that never cease to annoy. WC who was especially flamboyant and ignorant; LR got on my last nerves in one-eighth the time (why the fuck does he feel the need to show me his Ray Bans every time we pass? Stop trying to please; we are equals.); DB was even more unshaven and BH, thankfully, was absent or else I may have been forced to put the digital (as in my fingers) gun to my head. Mrs. D heaped praise which I do not deserve seeing as I have not turned in any assignments due in the last two weeks (at least). Mr. L was undeservedly more fucking militant today and that got me more worked up than anything else. Within three minutes I hollered at the class: "Stop badgering me!" Mere miliseconds before he chimed in with his patent whine/yelp: "Gallagher, you're just so bitter these days." I proceeded to shut my mouth for the next 49 minutes and it felt good.
Sometimes I think I should shut my mouth more. Sometimes I think I should block it all out so I don't end up, not on purpose, putting myself on a level higher than everyone else. I feel like such a reluctant snob sometimes but in a school filled with truly unsophisticated boys that really do believe women should not vote because they get moodswings and protest with all the fervor of a football game the reading of Plath and Dickinson, put their (or more accurately, their parents) money first to car stereos and exhaust systems, blissfully declare their school the best the area has to offer, go to the library to talk, wear school paraphernalia on the weekends.... can I really be blamed? It's hard out there for a kid who has recently taken to reading a magazine that doesn't have interesting pictures in it. I don't go to lunch anymore.
Wow I feel like a snob. I took the weight off today by going outside: I didn't mention I got your average haircut (courtesey of Fragale Brothers (for life)) and an awful breakout on my forhead!
On like, positive notes though, in addition to going outside: Matt and Anna are both going to Temple so the familiarity factor in collegiate Philadelphia is gonna be super high! Groups of friends can now hang outside! House show! A great spring playlist I will blog at length about tomorrow! Current listening has been nothing too new, though I'm gonna love the new No Age... I'm trying to get the physical thing: Sleater-Kinney (winding down) The Rolling Stones-Sticky Fingers Massive Attack-Mezzanine Air-Moon Safari Bikini Kill-Reject All American X Ray Spex-Germ Free Adolescents An old Kinks greatest hits I have on wax Beatles-Rubber Soul
What the fuck does it mean when my stomach is tied into multiple knots, I'm achy, nauseous, cold...?
And I can't stop listening to Air or checking Facebook or doing anything that isn't what I should be: crawling into my bed.
One thing though: tonight I went to an AGCS show which was mostly awful. I felt like shit and the bands were shit and so many people are worthless pieces of shit... I don't mean that in the extreme, especially considering I was one of them. I went to see the Deans' last show ever (?) and I wrote a lot about it, including one big idea-laden interview with John Ciccone which I'm going to continue writing and working on it until it is... Bangsian. '
There are people out there that I know/have known and that make me want to vomit. I just encountered one on the internet, gagged and then this tick that sometimes happens to me... happened... I kind of snap my head to the right four or five times saying "Fuck [whomever should be fucked.]"
I've been going back and reading a lot of Lester Bangs. He was the dude who, in eighth grade, pretty much convinced me that becoming a rock writer was the dream. Bangs is just on a level above anybody else... I have no idea where he gets this shit. After months of reading Spin and Rolling Stone, my dad got me Mainlines, Bloodfeasts and Bad Taste: A Lester Bangs Reader. Shortly thereafter, I did a project for Mr. Fox's typing class on a career. Journalist. So I guess I'm going to make it a project over the next day... week... month to just sit, listen to records, write and try to get on his level. I think my stuff has gotten too Pitchfork. Not enough Lester, you know?
I put Mezzanine on for like, the millionth time this year. This is such heavy shit. Just dense levels of electronic percussion; vocals draped in sex, shade and mystery; wavering synths. Bristol baby, 1998, what's good?! Nothing, obviously. It sounds like it just rains and people stare out windows on public transport.
I don't go to lunch anymore. I just sit in the library. I love being anti- at school and nothing but loving and delightful outside. Those walls make me sick.
Movie Night tonight... sans movies, with the addition of Lucky Strikes. I love my extended family. That is, those people I spend time with.
UPDATE: M83's new one Saturdays=Youth is a, forgive me, thing of beauty. If you know me, there is the obvious reason (that it is indeed an album about youth). It's heavily nostalgic, idealistically high school, unabashedly 80s and as ethereal as your mother's womb or your poster-laden, messy bedroom. Not to mention, the cover is awesome. It makes me think Lucas meets Donnie Darko meets Breakfast Club.
Often, I have all of these little nicks on my hands and fingers and I wonder where they're from until I start picking at them. They get worse, they begin to sting, they bleed and I am left wishing I didn't fuck with my dry, cut up dishwasher's hands to begin with.
Tonight, Miles popped my cherry. And by that I mean he took me to Two Cousins to get a cheesesteak which is something that I've never done. Not the cheeseteak part, had plenty of those. The Two Cousins bit. Since the halcyon Sam and Henry days I've heard about this steak (that it was good, the best maybe) but I never made the journey. I was feeling a total lack of Miles this weekend so we made a date for this afternoon; Two Cousins cheesesteak, Wawa milkshake, scope out the new Hockessin library... you know, dude stuff. Ha!
I've been telling everyone about this song/video. Maybe you know it already, maybe you don't. Dirty Projectors got a lot of press last year for their new record Rise Above, a song by song cover of Black Flag's Damaged re-done from memory in a less hardcore persuasion. I didn't bother to check it out until I went on Pitchfork.tv two days ago and this video immediately started playing:
Dirty Projectors-"Rise Above" (live in some trendster's loft)
It's cool to hear the lyrics in an entirely different context. They take on a whole new set of idealogical problems. Plus, this dude's singing is really, stirringly emotive.
My dad won't stop cooking salmon. It reminds me of mud. Your thoughts?
Finally on a weirder note, I notice every year that girls really bloom in the spring. It's definitely a season that compliments them them. Maybe it's an internal thing where I'm getting restless and looking at them more or maybe they really do pull out all stops in temperatures in the upper-60s; regardless, all of you ladies are incredibly awesome humans in all sorts of ways so be very, very proud.
P.S. I'm still on this massive, seemingly incurable and constant Sleater-Kinney kick. Any suggestions?
So I went back in time and I'm listening to the first Sleater-Kinney album (self-titled) in my room the spring of eighth grade year. I'm going to see them in a few days. My room isn't as cluttered and there are no big chairs; just a bed, that mirror chair thing, some bookshelves, ye olde hi-fi (my all-in-one record player/tape/radio band/three CD changer). Also, I'm having a house show (this!) Friday... The New Tyrants (we changed our name), If This Ends and what is sure to be a wildass all-star band playing a surprise partay cover. I think a lot of people are coming out (I have this weird, newfound popularity) so that's cool and leads me to my next point. Dating Caitlin has been really fun. Totally different from the usual (Aubrey, Evyn, Alysha etcetera).
Here are some cool Sleater-Kinney lyrics. Self-titled is really underrated by the way, but One Beat remains one of my favorite albums ever and it's the best thing they've ever put out... pick it up.
"Don't you know I saw you go/On that day?/Running for my life/I'm running from those eyes/And if it feels that way..." -"Slow Song"
Dude I love this band. Like I said, Caitlin's great, but sometimes I wish Carrie Brownstein was my girlfriend. I'd take Corin too.
Just kidding! But wasn't that crazy? Remember those times?
Right now seems kinda like a throwback to then because: I can't stop listening to Sleater-Kinney, I'm having a house show May 10, I have band, just got a new record player (an actual hi-fi this time, actually: Ion record player, Sony receiver/radio band, Panasonic CD player), I have no girlfriend but that doesn't stop me from hanging out with lots of like, people from Kennett (who I might add are the BEST KINDS OF PEOPLE). For example: Prom night was really fun even though it wasn't a soon-to-be-adapted-into-a-movie gorefest. I think the Kennett crowd has something that other crowds lack and that is in a word, maybe, unity. That's a feeling I get nowhere else (and cheesily enough, belonging; like, I feel like I belong at KHS events). What would this be without a photoverload? Please, humor me. Here's what it looked like:
That's my date MJ and I talking about movies or something. Kelly's toast to alternative youth! Mid-bite! So embarassing but MJ still looks good in my opinion. I found that in my coat pocket. Two freshest
Give me your best Serena face.
A very good man indeed: Kyle Kogut.
Sarah Aument is cool and has always been cool and looked and danced great Friday night. I crept around these two all night but they loved it. I like these two. Ha! Strange faces? Will and I have this ritual at dances where we attract a crowd with our absolutely out of control daring and dare I say revolutionary style of moving.
One more time! Like I might have said, MJ is really neat. So's Sarah.
This makes me think of prohibition-era booze houses. I love the look on my face. Favorite photo from the whole night. For those not in the know, that's Mark and Mimi. Rest. What's going on here?
Sam Frank. He, Skippy and I all shared one life between seventh and eighth grade. The parting of the ways. Julian Rose made me love hip-hop! He burned me College Dropout for my birthday in eighth grade and I've been a white-ass Kanye fanboy ever since. Goodbye Sarah, you cool person (she makes great music). The saltiest urchins! On the right we have Gab P whom you may remember... Observe: Middle age Swedish male attempting to bite his wife.
Aw. Is this love? Cam loves an emu I mean an Emma. lagggghhhh droooooool Victory!
Timeline: return home from work, updated blog. Got ready when people started arrive at my house. Left (The Lemonheads-It's a Shame About Ray). Milled about saying hello to people I haven't seen in some time. Ate dinner. Prom dancing. 100% enjoyment (maybe too much? I don't know, you tell me). Drive home (on Cossart no less. Cut Copy-In Ghost Colours, Beggars Banquet). Hang out, catch up with mom and dad. A walk to the end of the street turns into (get this) a Walk to Wawa (caps neccesary. Est two miles). After that another parting: Robert and Mimi and Kara walk right back home while we (Emma, Cam, Kelly, Trey, Caitlin and I) walk up Route One to Greenwood Elementary, then, through Baneswood, then, back home (Est 3.5 miles). Yes, I love the spirit of adventure. Night wraps up with awesome chatter in the garage tent (The Kinks-Are the Village Green Preservation Society).
Rest of the weekend didn't compare but last night Anna and I watched 10 Things and it ruled.
So: youthful exuberance+good music+even better people+seeing people again+moving back into other people's circles etc...=sufficiently seizing the day and I love you goodnight.
