I feel like that girl in the T-Mobile commercial from last year or the year before. It was part of their campaign surrounding like, the ability to have 1,000 anytime minutes or something. She's in a middle school cheerleading outfit, chatting away in a white room. Scientists watch from behind a glass window.
"I looooooove cheeeewwwwwing gum," she part whines, part groans to her best girlfriend imprisoned on the other end.
I love chewing gum, too. Ever since Matt Mullane started bringing in that really fruity Trident, the kind that always reminds me of this night with this girl, the kind that makes the immediate area around the chewers mouth smell like heaven, I've been trying to chew more gum. It kills time. It makes me not eat crap at work. It makes my breath smell nicer because, let's face it, I'm pretty sure I have halitosis.
IRRATIONALITY
I live in increasing fear. For one, in school: I go, class to class, pleading with a given teacher in my brain not to say something along the lines of "Hey, Gallagher, why haven't you turned in (such and such a thing), yet?". I hate making up an excuse and I hate having to turn things in... most of all, I hate how I don't do schoolwork in the first place. What if I don't walk at graduation because I haven't turned in my service project yet? It's not like I didn't do it... I just never gave it to my religion teacher.
I'm afraid of our cancer-ridden world. Was it always like this? Were people always getting sick with cancer and dying? Like, maybe that's why people didn't live that long before all the big breakthroughs in medicine during the twentieth century. Like, maybe Jim Hobo from the 1800s American South died at age 54 of cancer and not natural causes. Or maybe, it's just how fucked up everything became after the 1950's: plastics, television, microwaves, preservatives, artificial flavors, fast food, petroleum, Big Tobacco... I don't use microwaves. I kind of wanted to throw away my tortellini after I noticed bits of black plastic floating in my pot of boiling water from the pair of tongs I was using to stir the pasta. I hate Teflon pans but find they're the only way you can make grilled cheese without a griddle or using an oven. (My thoughts became cancer-ridden today on the toilet while I was reading A Hearbreaking Work of Staggering Genius for the third or fourth time.) My mom told me that if you live long enough, there's a 100% chance you'll get cancer and that most old people that seemingly just pass away were really just suffering from some form of it.
I live in fear of my Facebook inbox.
NUCLEAR POWER FOR A BETTER, MORE FREE WORLD
I had a wild dream the other night.
My mom, dad, sister, myself and some unidentifiable (in the fog of the dream, you know how it is) friends were in Russia. I had heard about this nuclear power plant in bumblefuck that had barracks where you could stay if you were traveling in the area. I coaxed everyone into going. It was incredibly eerie from the drive up. The sky was this sort of brown-gray and everything was bathed in a similar light. There was no one around to see - just a power plant. We found the barracks and took a room. The barracks were on stilts like beach houses. Ok so there was the "living room", then two flights of stairs leading to two respective bedrooms (surprisingly, very posh) that my parents were going to stay in. We spent an entire day in the living room, within which was an entire wall made of a window, one sofa and one television set built into another wall. I observed the somehow disturbing and predictably dreary landscape while the only television network, one devoted to the power plant, ran in the background. It was really scary and I can remember my heart racing with the fear of all the radiation my body must have been taking in. We looked out the window and watched TV all night (the sun never went down) and in the morning I begged my parents to take us out of there but they didn't feel like it yet. I bravely ventured outside to figure something out when a car pulled up and out of it came several other familiar humans whom we then ate a meal with. At this point, I realized I was in a dream and forced myself to wake up.
Since then, I've been reading about abandoned nuclear power plants. It'd come as no surprise if this dream came as a reaction to watching the Vice Guide to North Korea that night. It's incredible engrossing, you'll want to watch all fourteen installments. Check out that near-empty fourty-seven story hotel.
A FUN AND REFRESHING THURSDAY EVENING
As mentioned, I met Dave Eggers at the Free Library of Philadelphia Thursday night for the finale of the totally awesome One Book, One Philadelphia project to promote literacy. The selection, of course, was What is the What. It was pretty fucking awesome. I will gladly transcribe the conversation Mr. Dave Eggers and I had to all interested parties. Here are some photos. I had gotten my haircut the day before and admittedly look like a freak. Not to mention the planet-sized zits on my face. I was joined by Anna and Matt who, as usual, were the best company.
I swear I know what white balance is.
Loser gets his nosepicked.
My hair is so close to my head! Take a picture!
Omgomgomgomgomgomg.
Soooo frozen.
FACTOID
Dave Eggers is probably my favorite author.
GIRLCRUSH
I love Carrie Brownstein and I love reading her blog. Here's a funny video involving Carrie and Fred Armisen from SNL. Hell, here's two funny videos.
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