Obviously Your Beauty Is Overwhelming

Lol, I hurt. From rejection. Twofold. I can't just not write about it, what good is it if it's not typed down in my blog? For everyone to read? And to make things really awkward between parties involved and myself? (Parties involved, sorry.) I won't go into the first much. It's all still too confusing... but Gab is another animal.

Gab works at the Butcher but I first saw Gab getting picked up from lacrosse practice in the eighth grade.

"Mimi, who is that?"
"Gabby. She's really pretty isn't she?"
"Heckzyeah."
"We call her Gabripan."

She started her tenure as cashier sometime last spring and it was funny because she's shy. So you try to talk to her and she laughs at everything because she's so new to actual conversation that any damn'd think sounds ridiculous to her. It's really, gah, cute, and the first straw... straw like her blond hair! (This shit is so shiny-beautiful, you'll cry just maybe.) And I started to be interested in her because she was the kind of girl I would see at one of my sister's soccer games. Someone I didn't go to school with but was immediately surrendered to for an hour so. Except now I worked with her and she was practically a distraction because I go out of my way to talk to her just because I know it either gets on her nerves or makes her happy. Either way, I like her reaction. Sorry, I'm switching tense mid-sentence but that's the way it works. For like, the last while or so I've just been like so obvious about my "want" all the while trying to just spit out a question. Will you go to dinner or something with me. But her mom always works Thursdays and when she's not there, Mallory is busy talking to her and I get...jealous. Haha. It's so ridiculous. Wednesday I worked though, unusual, and Gab worked and she somehow ended up in the deli alone and I was alone and this is an impossibility so I was just like, listen. Do this with me. And she said maybe and I said OK, and she went back to the bakery and I spent the rest of the night doing dishes and annoying her periodically.

"This isn't something you can just expect me to forget and then you'll be off the hook you know."
"I know."
"Do you want to see There Will Be Blood?"
"Maybe."
"You know, oil, muckrakers and stuff... Upton Sinclair."
"Yeah we were just talking about that in history."
"U.S.? I really liked that era, Progressivism was cool and it takes you right up to FDR..." [historical discussion ensues and this moment becomes the farthest I have been with Gab.]

Well tonight was different because mom was there and Mallory was there and Gab made it obvious she wanted nothing to do with me or a date because she still hadn't given anyone an answer so I told her fuck it, you are off the hook because you probably would have just said no anyway. And she didn't say anything to refute that, I don't know if that was out of shyness or what. But it just got me thinking that this girl knows how beautiful she is and thinks she can just, I dunno, do whatever she wants. Like not give people straight answers or just be misleading in general because she can keep them coming back no matter what. I didn't say goodbye to her tonight, just gave her a look and left. But I know next Wednesday I will once again try to woo her like a bumbling idiot to absolutely no avail. And I will kick more walls and listen to more Tigermilk and do more self-pitying. Put more blame on the largeness of my lips.

C'est la vie! Ah, petty heartbreak and the beauty of youth... it's sorry but great.

Thank you for listening and I'm sorry that sometimes I am a hack.